I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
