4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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