he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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