Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
