margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
