you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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