i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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