I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
