That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
