she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
