I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
