i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
