and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I could fuck to npr.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
