I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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