Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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