i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am naked and annoyed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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