Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
