Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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