I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
