she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
