She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
