please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
