he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I could fuck to npr.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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