i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
