Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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