the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
