..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
