Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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