Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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