Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
