i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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