Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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