So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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