What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
