singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
