Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
