I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
