He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
