do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
