I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
