I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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