you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
