1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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