Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
