I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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