you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
