So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm just crazy horny about you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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