What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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