Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
