After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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