Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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