i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
