so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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