It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
