You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
